ISMS - YES, WE ACTUALLY SAID THIS.

Our quick, sometimes thoughtless soundbites are constantly being thrown about the office. Unfortunately for us, there is usually always someone around with pen and paper to immortalize them and make sure we’ll never live it down. 

"They want to keep the virus, but they are OK with letting go of the horns and tails."
Alison 2/24/15

"And by the way I just ate your no."
Colleen 2/15/15

"Everything exists unless it's brand new."
Alison 2/14/15

"I'm really kind of having a hard time with purple if you don't mind."
Colleen 9/10/14

"I forget that she's a person and not just something that Mike Tyson says."
Colleen 8/29/14

"The older I get, the more I like duct tape."
Dave 8/29/14

"She's going to become a verb really soon..."
Leslie 5/13/14

"Do you think that meatloaf sounds lazy?"
Leslie 5/6/14

"I just milked your ceiling."
 Alison 11/22/13

Daniel: "My birthday is December 13."
Garri: "That's a Friday."
Daniel: "It's usually a Thursday or Friday."
Garri: "No it's not."
Daniel: "Yes it is."
Leslie: "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard!"
11/15/13

"That Kleenex box looks like a dress you would wear."
Gloria to Garri 7/25/13

"I don't want to stay in a relationship when I move so I can enjoy the luxuries of women."
Sam 6/20/13

"It all started last spring when he got a chainsaw on a pole."
Jenny 3/25/13

"Thank you in advance for not suing us."
Leslie to intern 12/21/12 

"I can't say ‘stakeholders' without smelling meat." 
Garri 9/5/12

"You tell us the words and we'll tell you if you mean them."
Garri 8/8/12

"Everybody's not me. And that's awesome."
Scott 8/6/12

"Did you know that ants smell like the elderly? Yes - ants, when you smash them, smell like old people!"
Krysta 5/18/12

"I was really into swamp people for a while."
Dave G. 5/3/12

Leslie: "I thought he was odd."
Betsy: "‘Odd' how? Like ‘creeper' odd or like, ‘plays with dolls in his bedroom' odd?"
 3/1/12

I've never understood palm trees."
Colleen 2/7/12

"I keep my whip at home, by the halo on my bedpost."
Leslie 1/6/12

"He's like a speed bump with cufflinks."
Colleen 11/10/11

"I can see your eyes filling up with whiskey."
Dave G 10/19/11

"I'm tired of everyone looking so familiar."
Colleen 9/8/11

"I've got two granola bars with a Jonas Brother on them - don't want those to go to waste!"
Richie 8/29/11

Garri: "Even kidneys are better than liver."
Dave G.: "Could liver be the new honey badger?"
Colleen: "Will you please stop saying the word liver?"
8/23/11

"We can put our tongues to the wire and see who lasts the longest."
Dave G. 7/28/11

"I swear to god my bindi almost fell in the toilet."
Rocky 7/21/11

"I don't look down on people because they're short."
Dave W. 7/1/11

"It tastes too much like last night."
Rocky 7/1/11

"My friend married a man with a weak chin and it did her no good."
Alison 6/24/11

"I didn't eat a baby. I just had tacos."
Krysta 6/15/11

"Last week he was here yesterday. No, I mean he was here tomorrow."
Garri 6/11/13

"It's not a robot. It's just a doctor with his head inside a robot's butt."
Colleen 6/8/11

"I'll have a toddler holding a flag sitting on a tombstone."
Alison 5/25/11

I feel like a dog in a little girl's bedroom."
Dave W. 4/29/11

"About once a year I pour hydrogen peroxide into my belly button to sanitize it. I don't do it with any other body part. Except my ear."
Betsy 5/18/11

Alison: "...it's like your teeth are wearing sweaters."
Krysta: "I guess my teeth like to wear sweaters."
 4/21/11

"It's like a three-headed dog, but without the heads."
Garri 4/15/11

"Maybe tomorrow is a metaphor for really soon."
Colleen 4/12/11

"A cake should not have a rind."
Garri 4/1/11

"I can't put a kids face through a credit card machine."
Leslie 4/1/11

"It's 9:30. If anyone's drinking, they might want to start."
Garri 4/1/11

"It was like I was smacked in the ass with a rainbow."
Dave W. 3/22/11

"Maybe the snake can hold the kite."
Alison 3/7/11

"I'm going somewhere at 11. But I don't know where. And I don't know who I'm talking to."
Leslie 3/4/11

"Excuse me, my pants are vibrating."
Rocky 2/16/11

"I don't understand dice that well."
Colleen 2/16/11

"Stop smelling my chair."
Rocky to Krysta 1/11/11

"Did anyone important die on Friday?"
Rocky 12/20/10

"I wasn't questioning your grammar, I was questioning your ethics."
Dave W. 10/16/10

"Oh my god, I can't believe you pulled a Broadway pool on me!"
Garri 10/16/10

"It's awkward popcorn."
Krysta 12/3/10

So snakes are the new monkeys."
Colleen 10/18/10

"I'm not mad. I'm just amused in a perturbed sort of way."
Dave W. 9/24/10

"You guys didn't know? I tried to grow a mustache on my knee once."
Colleen 9/27/10

Colleen: "A covey of quail, a pod of whales..."
Dave: "A bucket of chicken." 6/23/10

"Kittens can't cure everything, you know, even flat ones."
Leslie 5/11/10

"The Tooth Fairy is a transvestite."
Dave W. 5/11/2010

"Ladies, ladies please...there's enough Rocky to go around."
Rocky 4/2/2010

"A boomerang that does not come back is a stick."
Dave W. 2/1/10

"I'm hoping I can find a bride who wants to carry a root ball."
Leslie 1/25/10

"I often speak for my dog. But I can't say I've ever spoken for my sandwich."
Colleen 12/14/09

"It was like Braveheart with sponges!"
Alison 11/9/09

Leslie: "I got an email from Joanne and..."
Colleen: "That's not her name."
Leslie: "I know. But that's what I call her."
10/26/09

"Is there any way to do that without putting Jack in a box?"
Garri 10/23/09

"Is English my first language?"
Colleen 10/8/09

"That's when I know we're doing our job - people won't look us in the eye."
Leslie 9/18/09

"Costa Rica is the new Holland."
Garri 9/14/09

"It's like giving someone John Wayne toilet paper."
Dave Wahl 6/1/09

"I don't know any French, goddammit! Oh, pardon my French..."
Colleen 5/14/09

"I don't get cucumbers. I mean, what's the point?"
Alison 11/5/08

"I don't think you realize it but you're turning into a scallop."
Lisette to Betsy 8/19/08

"I always thought Princess Margaret was a dirty little monkey."
Nona 8/13/08

"We're taking the pancakes out altogether so the logo is up longer."
Cindy 7/2/08

Stacey talking about her new office: "I scratch myself more now."
6/3/08

"A piece of cheese? How does that work?"
Missy 3/20/08

"I have Sacajawea on the brain these days."
Lisette, 3/13/08

"Can we have them dress up as Greek gods? That's all I want."
Tim 2/28/08

"Beavers are good planners."
Rocky 2/28/08

"Your people love plaid."
Dave W. to Cindy about her farmer shirt. 11/12/07

"I hate GINGER! It tastes like when you accidentally lick someone on the neck."
Kristina 9/25/07

"Do you want me to come look at some floating heads with you?"
Anne 9/4/07

"The blind guy is coming to pick me up and drive me over there."
Cindy 8/27/07

"I'm not sure about the Spanish, but the Japanese will be here today or tomorrow."
Julia 8/20/07

"Speaking of US citizens, has anybody seen Dave Goldsmith?"
Rocky 7/25/07

"What I really want is to be able to churn my own butter."
Stacey 7/18/07

"Somebody's hokey-pokey is going off."
Kristina 7/10/07

"I mean the other Betsy, whose name is Missy."
Colleen 6/15/07

"It's Tuesday. Somebody get me a fucking gun."
Anne 6/12/07

Leslie to Dave G.: "Stop kicking me."
Dave W. to hush them up: "Don't make me pull this meeting over." 
6/5/07

"And it's not lookin' gouda!"
Maria 2/8/07

"There is not a high probability that I would have to choose between death and pork."
Cindy 2/8/07

"That guy's my cousin...the guy holding the ax."
Tim 2/6/07

"Canada scares me, I have to be honest."
Stacey, 1/9/07

"Do you want to see my Leonardo?"
Chris Davis 12/15/06

 Alison: "It's an evolutionary hand-me-down from monkeys."
Dave W.: "Dave Goldsmith has a thing for monkeys."
12/15/06

"Does everyone understand Bingo?"
Kate 12/15/06

"You have to get in touch with your bad elf."
Dave W. 11/27/06

"I love to speak in fake Spanish."
Garri 11/27/06

"If you were a cat you could make a lot of sausage."
Dave W. 11/6/06

"Popcorn is like chocolate to skunks."
Mary Jo 10/9/06

"It looks like I'm going to eat the models!"
Lisette 9/1/06

"Now why do we have a whip exactly?"
Caroline 8/14/06

"I have very leaky boundaries."
Colleen 7/20/06

"I'm skeptical about whether the bears will fly."
Garri 7/17/06

"Did you go to a professional or did you use a potato?"
Mary Jo 7/12/06

Stacey: "Kate, do you have a minute?"
Pregnant Kate: "Do you have a cookie?"
6/27/06

"Why does my hand smell like man? Is that Cindy's scent?"
Stacey 6/9/06

"She's got a nice skirt on - but she's evil."
Leslie 6/1/06

"Here's what's good about the bears: they're outside."
Colleen 5/31/06

"Did someone leave their chicken in the bathroom?"
Anne 5/23/06

"We had another plan, but Spam doesn't float."
Kristina 5/4/06

"Who left the asparagus in the toaster?"
Cindy 3/9/06

"Does he hear the vision?"
Colleen 3/3/06

"Stupid French - ‘hors d'oeuvres' and ‘fiancées'. What's wrong with ‘snacks' and ‘bitches'?"
Kristina 12/21/05

"The girl's getting out of the pool, the sunset has a hard-on... it's just not working for me."
Leslie 12/14/05

"I want to ask other folks here what I think I know."
Colleen 12/12/05

"Kirk boned a turkey once."
Mary Jo 11/16/05

"V - it's the new Y."
Alison 11/10/05

"When I'm 65 I guess I'd like to drop acid and ride escalators."
Dave W. 10/25/05

"The wooing usually happens on west-bound days."
Tim 10/25/05

Leslie: "Erin, aren't you afraid of fish?"
 Erin: "No, just killer whales. Kristina's afraid of big fish." Pause. "We're in the same boat."
10/20/05

Kristina: "My dad is Lebanese."
Leslie: "What nationality is your mother?"
Kristina: "She's a redneck."
10/20/05

"You get a delicious sense of things falling out of the bun."
Barb 10/20/05

"That's like giving a chicken wing to a parrot."
Kristina 10/19/05

Colleen: "You know how some people can't hear me."
Leslie: "I think people can't hear you once they get to know you."
9/20/05

"She sells church bulletins, but she looks like the devil!"
 Caroline 9/12/05

"I electrocuted myself and that changed my look quite a bit."
Cindy 7/27/05

Caroline: "Have you ever tipped a cow?"
Anne: "No."
Caroline: "Bad service, eh?"
7/5/05

"I'm giving the new girl an alien and some cognac."
Leslie 6/29/05

"Read magazines? I do. But only Real Simple - that's all I can handle."
Maria 4/27/05

"Dave, did you see how big my banana was?"
Richie 01/28/05

"I'm often embarrassed by your big fruit."
Garri to MaryJo 1/6/05

"Every time I drive by a big hole-in-the-wall, I always think Leslie's probably going to take us there someday."
Richie 12/06

"Their skin is so soft... I didn't actually touch them or anything... do they have special stripper lotion or something? They're soft, I'll give them that."
Richie talking about his bachelor party 8/30/04

Garri (cheesy joke during a conversation about binding options): "...that would be over-coil...ha ha ha!"
Maria: "I ran over a quail today." Pause. "I've been avoiding birds for a week and a half."
5/10/04

"Is he hung like a bunny?"
Dave W. 4/26/04

"Can Barb bring her teeth in?"
Garri 3/8/04

"We have our own skunks, it's the tuna that needs to be shipped in."
Dave W. 2/27/04

"It's a paramecium kind of day."
Barb 2/25/04

"It's not called Bend Over Beckham."
Ali B. 11/10/03 regarding the PG13 rating of the film "Bend it Like Beckham"

"We'll see how long we can keep this short."
Maria DelVecchio 10/21/03

"Have you ever touched an anteater's nose? It's warm and fuzzy like a kiwi fruit."
Ali B. 10/3/03

"If indeed they buy the farm, we need to help with signage."
Colleen 7/7/03

"Think where you pump, I pump close to home."
Tina 7/1/03

"Oh man, who's gonna lick the celery?"
Barb to staff at Maria's shower, 6/10/03

"My cat locked me out of the house this morning.... at least I think it was him."
 Richie 6/24/03

"Donuts are a metaphor for progress."
Garri 12/2/02

"Sometimes it just comes naturally. Sometimes that natural feeling's wrong."
Dave W 10/10/02

"Meeting planners and sales people usually always have birthdays."
Theresa 5/22/02

"I really didn't drool on myself...it's flower sperm."
Lilly, 3/22/02

"I just HATE it when people lie about plastic on the backs of stuff!"
Theresa 2/5/02

"He was really snotty after he ate that radioactive egg."
Lilly 1/30/02

"Thanks for hanging meat last night."
Leslie to Dave G. 1/21/02

"Where the hell is Holland? It's not on the map." (a few moments later) "It's all because of the fucking Girl Scouts." (a few more moments later) "And here's the bad part, I was there!" (and a few moments after that) "And what's really funny is that I look Dutch."
Colleen 1/8/02

"I can't think unless I have my mouth open."
Garri 10/31/01

"I was just pulling a banana out of their meeting."
Jean 10/31/01

"Colleen-where is your car? I have to go to the bathroom."
Lilly 10/2/01

"Everybody grab your kazoos, we have to impress a potential new client."
 Leslie 8/29/01

"I need a kazoo and an agenda please."
Theresa 5/2/01

"We'll get right on it, and have it by tomorrow. You should get it in a couple of days. Friday would be nice, bye, talk to you next week."
Bob, LA animator, on a Tuesday morning regarding a deadline. 2/02/01

"...Failuremag.com - but I'm not sure if it exists anymore."
Casey 02/19/01

Dave G: "It was the weather guy."
Mary Jean: "Oh! The guy that does the weather?"
1/22/01

"There was a lot of dialogue in that movie - but a lot of it was unspoken."
Cindy E. 1/22/01

"You look very aerodynamic today."
Dave G. to Garri 11/2/00

"You look like you're dressed to waste a bunch of time."
Alison to Colleen 11/1/00

"I am really good at looking urgent."
Garri 9/27/00

"We're not loud, we're just involved."
Mary Jo 8/22/00

"Grown women like bright colorful nylon fabric."
 Dave W. 7/10/00

"I have to go the restroom before staff, because some of my clothes are inside out."
Theresa 6/19/00

"Your basic problem is the elves."
Leslie to client 6/00

"I am going to smell like a horse, and look like a queen."
Theresa re: rushing from the rodeo to the Addys 2/1/2000

"He's a writer and he's been drinking."
Margie 11/30/99

"It's a big deal for people who care about that sort of thing."
Cindy 11/20/99

"What the fuck, over."
Mary Jo 11/99

"Listen Miss Poli-grip..."
Cindy 11/3/99

"I choked on Smartie dust. I inhaled while I was chewing."
Maria 1/8/98

"RECIPROCITY- that's a lot of syllables for a creative department."
Leslie 2/17/98

"That is why NAKED is more fun than NUDE."
Dave W. 2/18/98

"The lawn is putting out the ad asking the sprinkler to send a photo of himself."
 Maria 4/2/98

"Open it up and see if you can read it. If you can, it's in a language you can speak."
Leslie 4/6/98

"Give me the bell or the kid gets it!!!!!!!"
Leslie pointing a toy gun at her pregnant belly 6/29/98

 

Cubicles make you think.